I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
