just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
