dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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