taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
