just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pooping to opera.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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