I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
