Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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