Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
