I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
