you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize