Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
