You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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