I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
