If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
