idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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