my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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