So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize