i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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