The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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