filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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