I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
