From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
