"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
