As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
