so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize