Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
