You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
