He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
