Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
