They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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