i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
