I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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