I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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