I puked a lego.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize