is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
