i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
