well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
