i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
