the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dear god my vagina.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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