I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
