our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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