I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
