can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
