I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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