Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
