he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
