wanna go halves on a baby?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
