Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
