OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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