I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
