FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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