i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
