Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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