Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
