How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
