My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
