I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
