either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
