i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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