Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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