Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
