I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
