I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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