I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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