So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize